NEVER BACK DOWN 2- The Beat Down

Never Back down 2 takes the same formula of the Warrior. The Warrior was like Rocky accept both of the fighters are Rocky, so thus your alliances is split. Never Back down 2 takes the formula of Karate Kid where all 4 of the kids are the doucebags from Cobra Kai. The movie has no returning character accept the nerdy kid from the first one who runs the Beat down now. It follows 4 people who enter the fight for various reasons. 1 does it because he can’t box anymore and need one last bout.  The second does it to get over his family problem, another join so he won’t get picked on. And the final joins is so his mom won’t have to strip. They all get trained by Black Dynamite himself (Michael J White), an X-con who used to be an ultimate fighter. He was the best character. He wasn’t as Zen as the other mentor. He kind of a jerk who did it for the money. He was kind of a terrible role model who wasn’t for that anti violence thing like other mentors in these movies. But he played it in a fun way, be overly angry and having some great lines. He pretty much a guy who didn’t give a crap but will turn you into a top fighter. It was kind of a tough love that some of them needed. I also like how the train them all differently matching their skill sets and personality. It has a lot of cool action scenes that pretty intense even if you’re not into mixed martial arts. If you are you will really like it because it has a lot of different fighting style and cool training montages. Problem with the movies shows it direct the video status. 1 is there a love triangle with two people I defy you to try to tell them apart. The love triangle isn’t that great and it no spark between the characters. You basicly The Situation and his DJ Pauly getting into a kung fu fight over Jai wow. If you don't get the refrence I just made, then you should feel a sense of pride.  There jerks each other to much that when they eventually hang out it seems false. Also it no real bad guy till the end. So it no real stakes.  You kind of don’t care who wins, no one lives will be change if they lose.  That said it’s a decent movie just for the fights scenes. C+

Bag of Bones

Bag of bones

Or

JAMES BOND AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOST

This is a story of a horror writer who pregnant wife dies getting hit by a bus. He goes to the Lake House him and his wife use to stay at to write. There he thinks his wife giving him a message, and want him to investigate something.  There he finds the town has chock full of secrets, and that his wife was investigating something about their families  There he gets threaten, run into wicked town folks and found his wife isn’t the only ghost haunting it.

Always had a problem with tons of Stephen King miniseries, is a lot of them really doesn’t need to be a miniseries. Its stretch out too much. Now for his bigger stories it makes sense, like the Stand which was pure awesome sauce. But this movie, it was a lot of time where nothing happen.  It was like I was watching a tour guide of Maine. And really let’s talk about the town; I know it’s a small town. But it seemed like the entire town made up of like 6 people. It makes Mayberry looks like a booming metropolis. I know that builds into the isolation. But it seemed empty.

Now this not to say this Town didn’t have scares. Some of the dream sequences and the flashback scenes were really scary. The ending scenes were very creepy and gave you a sense of dread.  Also they had the good excuse of why he doesn’t just leave the house. He kind of has to be there.  Also he pretty good in the roll. Although his brother American and I assume he is. He doesn’t even try an American accent.  I just made a back-story, am he pulling a Madonna and just spent a week in Europe but never lost the accent. Imagine his family turning into each other and saying “Why is he talking like Mary Poppinngs where all from Hoboken NJ for Christ sakes”.  But that easy to get past after a while.   You really root for for him. As a 2 hour TV movie it would have been perfect. It has a lot of weird Stephen King Tropes. Writers Isolated in a deserted area, weird townsfolk, rural areas, and bad cops.

In fact Stephen King made me afraid of writers. If any writer tells me they have writers Block I will Pepper Spray them and kick them in the balls...cause 9-10 he a derange Killer.  Other times he hunted by them. So you better take them out. If you’re a Stephen King fan your probably like it if you want to kill some time. It’s not his Best, but it’s not his worst either.

Middle Men

Middle men trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am_T56uOOnw

Middle Men is set around the creation of the computer code that allowed people to pay for porn sites, using their credit cards anonymously.  What interesting about that is now days it not such used for porn but most internet transaction? So the create a new way to due commerence...is just so happens like most science breakthrough it was originally created as a way to release our sinfull sinfull seed… in a way that makes baby angels cry. That where rain comes from you know. Either way back to the movie starts off with the inventors of the invention. They are two drugged, out genius low lives who manage to create it. But those people aren’t the star. The star is a character that helps them out get involve as the middle man. He is a suit, a clean cut guy who wants no part with porn but just the guy who organizes the deals and talks to people. He kind of the fix it guy if you get in trouble. Problem is things get over his head, as he get richer he gets more and more into a seedy world of gangster, mafia guys, and kidnappers, with a little terrorist and FBI.  One thing you probably got to do is not get hang up on the base on a true story deal. Figure most of what happened was pure crap.  This story make Abraham Vampire Hunter look accurate. But that ok. Because let’s face it, it would be boring following computer geeks around...feeling up on porn stars in a non porno movie.  So they had to add some violence. The main character is pretty likeable. Luke Wilson always plays a good guy you can root for. Although some of his decision are iffy. Don’t seem like the character would make the choices he does given what we knew about him. Also they final save...not sure how that would hold up in court. But it stills a fun twist. You see stuff pile on the guy and wonder how he gets out it. So it satisfies none the less.

Banraku

Banraku

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVabHVw4dMc

Banraku takes place it what practically an alternate universe. It seems part Samurai Era Japan, where they use guns instead of swords let they have modern technology in other areas. A lot of them either act like a gangster from the 40’s or Samurai from a kung fu film, which gives it a unique feel. Think Bruce Tim Batman animated series...where it was like it took place in the 40; s but didn’t. It is about a crime lord who rules the town with an iron fist along. He has 7 men each called killer 1-7 depending on their rank. He also has an army of henchmen and the cops in his pocket. Every now and then someone challenge him to control the city…and homicidal killer being the orderly chaps set up a fight. He hasn’t lost a fight in a 100 fights. One day two men come to town separately.  One is cowboy type guy searching for revenge of some sort. The other is a Samurai search for a medallion that was taken from him. They soon join force after fighting of course, to battle this army.  Seem like standard revenge fair but the way it told is pretty cool.  The backgrounds look like a popup book or story book at times. The moon look likes it’s made out of paper. It like if Jon Woo directed Paper Mario movie. If that doesn’t sound awesome…well then I don’t want to know you. The car chases have bird eye view shots that sometime look like toy cars crashing into this model toy city. The cars made pinball sound when the crash and their sometimes video game sound when people fight.  It uses Comic book caption for subtitles, and a lot of fights are announce like a sport. On top of all that, it sounds like the guy from the Soul Caliber games narrating the story.  All of these could have easily got annoying, and screaming to try to be artistic. But it all flows well due to the cast of actors knowing how to play it just right. The actors a nice mixed, of Ron Pearlman, Josh Harnet, Ron Pearlman (chews the scene like its mcrib) Demi Moore and Woody Haralson (pretty neat stunt casting) and a few other character actors. The fights are fast pace and always add something different. Each of the 7 killers is odd which makes each of their fight different. They pretty good blood affects and special affect. If I had any complaint it would be the narration. As I said it sounds like the guy from Soul Caliber at times...and that gets pretty annoying for a 2 hour movie. It’s a lot of Fortune cookie shit the guy spews out. Also to be honest...some of the character not really deep, while other could have been explored more. But it not that kind of movie I guess. There more archetype. I kind of surprise this didn’t get a wide release. It looks like it cost some money.  So seem like a waste to have it direct to Netflix. It’s a really great movie.

The Perfect Host

The Perfect Host

Thing you must understand is Niles Crane is a bad ass. If you mess with Niles Crane, if you come to his party and insult his fine cooking, mess up his wine…your shit will get pushed in by one Niles Crane. That something one criminal learns in the Perfect Host.  A criminal is wounded and on the run after a robbery gone bad. He needs to hide out. So he cons himself into some nerdy upper class guy’s house, while the man is planning a fancy dinner party. The owner of the house (played Fraisers Brother) seem nice, refine, and being proper and manners to a fault.  When the House host finds out what he doing the criminals things he could just push the guy over. Turns out the owner of the house a sociopath with hallucianation. The house guest seems to be in his head, and the criminal end up getting tied up and torture. The rest of the movie is the criminal trying to get out of there

The story runs into a problem that it nobody to root for that much. It not like the robber is some sort of Robin Hood. He kind of appears to be a Bully who basically doing it for money and to get the girl. But both characters are doucebags...in their own unique ways, dangerous in their own unique way where they play well of each other.   A lot of times their interactions played for Dark Comedy, and seeing inside their heads can be fun. The dream sequences are pretty out there seeing the same scenes through both of their eyes. Seeing David Hyde having imaginary sex can be kind of funny. If mimes did that kind of stuff there me more popular. You do end up rooting for the criminal more, because you identify him more. So he starts to become rootable...because well you’re not going to root for nutty mcnutsack. I mean sure the criminal will rob you, but least he won’t have sex with your corpse afterwards. So you foot for him by default and try to figure out with him how one could get out of this. Where it falls apart is there a part where the movie really should have ended...then it goes into dumb directions...which involve some precog ability of some of the guys, and to many chances. Then they try to sale both guys as geniuses...when they never showed that. It too many twist its own good. Also you got to really like the two characters, sense it basically just them talking through a lot of it, and the other character not, that define.

Vanishing on 7th street

Vanishing on 7^th Street

Detroit is full of trouble. Night is getting longer, lasting for days at a time. Worst let there something in the darkness…something something sinister...something evil…something NOT OF THIS WORLD…DUH DUH. Basically the monster of this film is darkness. It your engulf in darkness without any light you get taken away. They never explain where, but you don’t come by and they apply it isn’t good. It only keeps your clothes there.  Any types of lights put it away, but electricity doesn’t seem to be working as well and batteries don’t seem to last long. Cars and vehicles seem to stop. Also the darkness can trick you creating false light, illusions, and the voices of love ones to trick you... The movies show a small group of survivors living in this world and trying to get out of Detroit.

Here one problem I had with this movie of the bat.  If regular light bulb don’t work that well, and flashlight go out (apparently they little their batteries from the Dollar Tree) what would you do. Think about it what would you do. Regular electricity doesn’t work well, so what are your options. If you say create a bonfire or torch congratulations you’re not a moron. Not saying goes around light everything on fire. That will kill you due to Detroit house being build out of wood and neglect.  But fire in say a garbage can could save your butt. One time they do they try to make a torch. It works, dude drops it of course.

Ok that aside it has some good moments. I am sucker for a small group of people trapped somewhere, and force to deal with a danger. The character seems like regular guys, and does a good job of letting you figure out the situation with them. The theory the audience may be thinking is what they discuss. Sometimes the conflicts seem forces, because if they won’t together to well it wouldn’t be as much danger. That said most the acting was good. You feel for MOST of the character even in their whiny moments. They did this by introducing them when they were separated, during the first days of the monsters attacking. You see the confusion of thing just happening. Then they jump ahead where they all meet at the bar and kind of know the rules. A lot of their plans seem reasonable for a group of people that have only bad options to choose from. When they fight it kind of make sense cause it during the time they first meeting, and their limited light to spare.

One character that annoyed me was the little kid. Don’t want to give things away, but lot of the bad stuff that happening his fault. He basically the F up of the group. Otherwise messed up because they were tricked, wasn’t fast enough or had to save this kid. Seriously never wanted to punch a 12 year old before. I wasn’t so much the kid was a bad actor...it just had him being a moron. In a small group the cast is only as strong as it weakest link.

They didn’t explain a lot of things or what the monster is. That might annoy some people.  But thought it made it scarier. Some of rules of what electronics work seem arbitrary at times. The mind game the darkness loses was pretty cool.  I like the idea it can make an illusion to create false light like a mirage. So you could really only trust the light in your hand, so you never felt really safe.  It was a low budget film but the way it was shot was pretty cool with light and dark effect it used a lot in the movie

Afterlife

After Life

Nicole Richie the famous movie star and model for FORHEAD MONTHLY, stars with Liam (darkman) Nelson. We introduce to her and her boyfriend (who played by the young PC guy in the Mac commercials). She is a teacher who feels emotionless in her life. Basically she gets into a car crash with her boyfriend, and wakes up in a funeral home. Liam Neeson runs the funeral home. He is keeping her there, saying she dead. He says he has the ability to talk to dead people The whole movie you try to figure out is she really dead, or is Liama Neeson just a crazy bastard who keeping her locked up in the funeral home. Also she naked a lot. A LOT!!!.  You can sketch her tits from memory at this point.  I actually got tired of seeing her tits. Which is shocking. I was like..You know what “Put some clothes on Wednesday Adams” Oh and it had bush in there if you interested. Worst let, she has the whitest ass I ever seen. I like getting mooned by the kid from Powder. Sorry it hard to pay attention to long dialogues about the true meaning of life and death when I staring at Punxsutawney Phil the whole time

Now if you her, and want to figure out if you dead or not there NUMEROUS ways to do it. There numerous ways to escape, but she doesn’t do any of it. This is worsen due to the time limit, sense a funeral coming up, her funeral where she going to be buried. She wants out but doesn’t really try that hard. They explain this because she already feels dead inside and inactive in life. I understand that part, but it doesn’t make you care about her character. If she doesn’t care about if she lives or dies why the audience should. I hated this woman wanted to get her killed. And this movie relies on the hospitals and cops being incompetent. I rely on people not being able to look at phone records, or that the body goes STRAIGHT to the funeral home after the person gets into an accident.

It’s a DUMB very slow movie that tries to be all ARTSY. Probably how they got her naked so much. They were like “Oh this is artistic, your clothes off showing you letting go of your emotion.” The movie was pure ass. It went on and on with no end in sight.