Battle Ground

Battle Ground

                Battle Ground is an ultra low budge shoot em up about bank robbers vs. a crazy nam vet. That hook alone was enough to make me (a love a Z grade Action movies) want to see that but the results are realty mixed. Think of it as Rambo vs. the guys from heat with a slasher movie style and you have a good idea of the movie.  The movie starts out with them just finishing a bank robbery with one of them injured. They are on the run cause one of them shot a cop now there normal means of escape will be delayed and cost more money. The idea of loose cannon on a team always bugs me. Why would you hire people on your team that clearly that insane? I mean no professional bank robbery team really wants some guy going all “Leroy Jenkins” by shooting up the place. It just counter productive. But that just my own pet peeve. The start of it gets you interested cause it takes you right into it. So they have to find a place to hide. They find an empty house in the woods thinking nobody there as they bicker on how the bank robber went all fubar. Low and behold this happens to be a house of crazy Vietnam vet who proceeds to hunt them down and killed them. An apparently does this to anyone who gets near his area. He sets up traps like a derange home alone kids and takes their money. Which cause the criminals to stay and hunt him down? There some nice kills and the set up of the battle ground are pretty sweet with a lot of secret passageways and good places for shoot outs. Problem is it no one to really root for cause both sides are dirt bags with very little remorse. So you don’t really root for anyone. You can have evil protagonist but you got to do something to make the audience follow them...make them exciting somehow. Something that makes each side somewhat rootable. Smoke Aces did this cause people had different hitmen they liked. Not so much here. Also you go into the clique that no one able to aim well in this...sense they can’t hit each other until the end. I mean this guy pretty old given when nam was…let no one seem to be able to get a shot off old man river over there. And it not like he a particular fit old mans…he has some city years on him. Still pretty fun. Some of the keys pretty imaginative and you can enjoy seeing the cat and mouse game. C+

Agression Scale

Aggression Scale

To understand the main character of this movie, picture the kid from Home alone if he was a complete sociopath...so basically picture the kid from Home Alone. This a dark take. Criminals break into someone house who stole money from them. It up to the two kids to escape as the bad guys tries to take them out. Little do they know the boy is lunatic with a history of violence and love to hurt people? It’s a pretty good twist. The kid is really creepy and when the criminals found out what they dealing with they have a nice “Oh $%it face” and some of the take downs pretty brutal. The problem is the brother and sister doesn’t have a great amount of chemistry together. I know there step ceilings but they don’t play off each other that well. The boy doesn’t talk...so it ups to the sister to carry most of the dialogue and exposition...and she not a good enough actor to carry that much weight. She mostly whines and kind of useless. The boy pretty good at his expressions but it a bit one note, Silent Bob this kid is not. But he plays a good lunatic. Although you get to the point where you say...dont these criminals have guns that can aim. Don’t the kids know where cops are or neighbors are or have Cell phones. Why they heck are they Rambo’ing it against these guys. Also the parents hiding the money kind of makes them the worst parents ever. All in all a nice fun flick to play if you have nothing to do C+

Get The Gringo

Get the gringo

Mel Gibson plays a Parker like Criminal who just did a robbery, and now escaping from the cops with a load of money.  In the first minutes, he is on a chase from the cops heading toward the boarder. His partner gets shots and he crashes over the border. His money gets taken and he ends up a prison that likes it own city, and his goal is to survive and get his money. Say what you want about Mel’s insanity...this guy knows how to make a moving and good action pacing. He plays a real scum bag in this that you root for cause he surrounded by much bigger scum bags. So you root for him. He also bounds with this kid in the prison and his mother that makes him more sympathetic. Yes it’s a cheap gimmick to make you feel for the character but the explanation of why the kids there pretty smart and add some tension. Also you know ever hard edge noir anti hero is puddy in a dames hand.  Lot of fun characters. He ends up double crossing and setting up the bad guys and it’s pretty satisfying. Now some may argue the realism of this prison, in fact I am sure the Mexico tourist board will have words with this movie. The cops are crooked to the point it makes Boss Hog look like Serpico. The people guarding the prison and the bad guys seem to have learned security from the cop from the COOKIE CRISP commercials. But it still hella fun if you let that go. Yea I said Hella...I am bad ass like that.  Not only are the character good but the world is a character.  The way its shot you can feel the heat and sweat.  You can feel the dirt and the culture that is around the movie. It a bad place to be by the story never that down beat. It’s like a twisted little theme park culture stereotypes.  The camera works is very good and show is music. It looks like a bigger budget then it really is. It could have been in theaters longer but I think it getting just a limited release…is due to Mel somewhat spectacular melt downs and less to do with the movie. It’s ashamed that he maxed out his celebrity F up card.  I say that not cause I am feeling sorry for him (he could of got back into people good graces if he played it smarter) but due to people might me missing out on a fun little flick. If you like a good modern noir crime movie you will love this

Bitch Slap

Bitch Slap is a throw back to Russ Meyer films. One of those explotation films that has hot girls, guns, and  cars that has not 1..not 2 but 3 actors from Hercules Ledgenary Journey. So you know its great. It has plenty of action,  All ending with a huge catfight that reach not only hot...but at a THEY LIVE "(the Street Scene) level hillarious length. Where even my boner started looking its watch half way through saying "Come on hurry this shit up...we got smurf porn pictures to look at". Not you may ask what about the plot. Meh.  It about 3 women of questionable backgrounds, One spy, one convict, and one dancer out in a desert. They are trying to break into this secret stash house of this super powerfull crime lord.  It has flashbacks going back and fourth. Now lets get this out of the way, the plot is dumb. Very…very dumb. But its fun. The actors all have fun, and they play it at a nice over the top way that really sales the feel of the movie. It nicely shot and the 3 girls interact with each very well.  The dancer character a bit of a weak link though, but that cause she not given as much cool lines as the other two women. The actress who plays the fugitive sales the bad girl thing well and actually seem like she could kick your ass.  Now if exploration but it not full out. It sadly no actual nudity, and the violence cartoony , with people getting shot but no blood. The last fight pretty damm brutal though.  Kind of wish they really went all out because this not a family film either way.  Then again Faster Pussy Cat Kill Kill didn’t have any of that stuff either. And this more in the vain of that so I can let it slide

Good neighbors

Good neighbors.

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1576440/

Finally, a movie that shows the dark underbelly of Canada. They seem nice with their maple syrup and love of hokey...but deep down it’s a savage land.  Story follows a man who moves to a building in Montréal during a time a serial killer roaming streets. He befriends a waitress (The main protagonist of the movie) with a love for cats and a wheel chair bound man. Each character a bit weird and each one could be the killer. The movies almost like a total different movie half way through. The first part is a slow character pieces that should be called the adventures of Lolcat girl and Wheels. The rest a nice twisted dark comedy. It was just slow to get there.  Part of that attentional sense they had to build up characters. Each character could be a killer but they don’t play it in a way that there constantly making shifty eyes at the camera. The all seem normal, and ok people but keep showing signs of oddness.  It all in a pretty realistic way sense you probably met people like this. It really that over the top until the twist. But I kind of wished the twist happen early and build upon that cat in mouse games. I say this because half the movie NOTHING happens. Then it becomes a pretty good movie. Also would like to see the character dance around each other once the other shoe drops. Now the ending probably not super realistic. The characters plan seems kind of dumb.  It relies on luck more than anything and it basically acts like forensics though exists. But still witty enough where I will let it slide. B

River Murders

A Seattle detective who a bit of a ladies’ man, gets into hot water, when all his past conquest end up getting murdered. Not only murdered, but murdered at places where he met them. It especially bad senses apparently the cop hitting wilt chamberlain numbers when it comes to how many woman he banged. Christ Slater plays a cop investigating/helping him.  Now one thing that may pop in your head how is a cop that looks like Ray Liota bagging this many women. Well I tell you something wise guy or girl.  Ray is a sex magnet…he makes the panties drop. He filled with so much sexual energy, that every time he masturbate, some woman around the world instantly gets pregnant. Every he unzips his fly, some lesbian around the world becomes straight. So think we got that out of the way. It’s a pretty fun thriller, and Ray plays it well. It plays a good down on his luck guy who world crashing apart. Christian pretty good as the guy busting his balls.  Ving Rhames has a nice scenes as his friend. The ending a bit iffy and kind of dumb.  Also how the killer knows about these women and so much about his life is kind of a huge stretch. Also there ending battle a bit anti climatic. I wasn’t expecting a bigger showdown and it pretty much just fizzle. But up to that it was a pretty breezy mystery. It not overly gory, but you see some elaborate crime scene set ups.  It’s a movie to watch in an afternoon when you got some time to kill.

The Caller

The Caller

                This is a unique that does the twist on the premise of talking someone through time. Imagine the movie Frequency and imagine if the guy in the past was a psychotic threatening to ruin their lives by F’ing with a passed.  The story is of a young woman who moves into an apartment. She ends up getting called by an old woman asking for some guy who lives there. The older woman is clearly insane and keeps assisting the guy lives in her apartment. The young woman says she isn’t. Turn out the confusion is to do with a wacky case of temporal physics, like a cross over with Doctor who and Threes company. The older woman lives in the past.  Somehow the phone allows them to talk to each other in the past.  She proceeds to harass the women from the president, killing people in the pass and changing the woman present. Only the two of them know of the changes in time. Pretty good movie. You really feel the tension...because it seems like the main character pretty much fucked. She always got some look she just constantly get shat on by the temporal gods, and it nothing she can do about. Some of the way she tries to get around it pretty good and cool.  Now you like got to get passed the normal time travel holes.  Like how does she remember the changes? Bu hey, just goes with that one. There also some logic stuff. The older lady would have been soooooooo arrested at certain parts of the movie. And the young version of the main characters kind of an idiot. .  Also before the time travel reveal you wonder why the chick doesn’t just get the caller ID or stop talking to this woman.  You only hear the older woman voice, but her voice sounds to old then what she actually is. It sounds weird. Also the little girl voice sounds odd to. Also the twist ending seem tacked on. The X boyfriend was a bit to LIFETIME (Woman getting beat woman of the week) for me. But it was still a great horror film.  B+

Beneath the Darkness

                A well respected Undertaker and widower (Dennis Qauid) hold sinister motives and only a teenage trouble maker seem to know of his horrible details. He much works to exposed him in a town where the cops don’t believe him and parents (as explain by noted poet Will Smith) just don’t understand. What starts out as kid investigating the spooky house of the local undertaker turns into a cat and mouse game begins.  The opening of this movie is pretty good. I always had a fear of being stuck into small spaces and a sense of helplessness and being buried alive does a trick. The bad guys start of pretty creepy at the beginning. But later on he goes to over the top into the Joker category... He more comfortless tying Batman to a giant bowling pin (as a giant bowling ball comes towards our Cape crusader) then being in a horror movie. Don’t get me wrong you can tell Dennis having some real fun going over the top, and it does have some fun cheese factor. But you can guess everything that going to happen step by step. The cliques are so clique that even calling them clique is now clique. It does nothing new and it not over the top enough to enjoy its goofiness.   Grade C

Way of the Warrior

Yang is a bad ass. He fights like a bad ass, he walks like a bad ass, when he eats his rice crispy treats he eats it like total bad ass. He part a clan of samurai ninja assassins, who trained sense there were kids to go around the world and just ninja the fuck out of people. Yang in the movie is pretty good slicing people up, taking out all the rival clans. His mission is to wipe out everyone involve into a clan. Sadly his master that includes a small baby. That is when Yang basically say “I did some fuck up shit, but I aint giving no baby the death punch”. So he escapes with the baby while being hunted by his Clan. He ends up in an old west town, that runs down and befriend a group of circus performers. Two of them that stand out is a sexy knife thrower, and old drunk with a bad ass past of his own. They help them learn that it’s more to life than just killing. He grows to love the baby, and like the family around. But he soon learns he can’t escape his past, and must fight his clan and criminals to protect this one horse town. The movie pretty good. It’s VERY cheesy but if you accept the cheese it fun. It's cheese that knows its cheese. It plays with that fact without constantly having to wink at you every second. The trust that you get the theme they are going for. The fight scenes pretty sweet and there not afraid to keep the body count high on both sides. It’s very stylish with rich red and yellow colors in the background. Sometime the sets could feel empty, but that more of a style choice. But that can make things fall flat sometime. Sometimes it runs into a problem most movies like this. The character sometimes bad ass to the point it’s no real danger. But the keep it exciting by people other people in dangers. Also some of the villains are not that memorable. Still it’s pretty good flick. Like of the actors play off each other pretty well. The main actor does a good quiet Asian Clint Eastwood type character. Good watch to kill some time.
B

NEVER BACK DOWN 2- The Beat Down

Never Back down 2 takes the same formula of the Warrior. The Warrior was like Rocky accept both of the fighters are Rocky, so thus your alliances is split. Never Back down 2 takes the formula of Karate Kid where all 4 of the kids are the doucebags from Cobra Kai. The movie has no returning character accept the nerdy kid from the first one who runs the Beat down now. It follows 4 people who enter the fight for various reasons. 1 does it because he can’t box anymore and need one last bout.  The second does it to get over his family problem, another join so he won’t get picked on. And the final joins is so his mom won’t have to strip. They all get trained by Black Dynamite himself (Michael J White), an X-con who used to be an ultimate fighter. He was the best character. He wasn’t as Zen as the other mentor. He kind of a jerk who did it for the money. He was kind of a terrible role model who wasn’t for that anti violence thing like other mentors in these movies. But he played it in a fun way, be overly angry and having some great lines. He pretty much a guy who didn’t give a crap but will turn you into a top fighter. It was kind of a tough love that some of them needed. I also like how the train them all differently matching their skill sets and personality. It has a lot of cool action scenes that pretty intense even if you’re not into mixed martial arts. If you are you will really like it because it has a lot of different fighting style and cool training montages. Problem with the movies shows it direct the video status. 1 is there a love triangle with two people I defy you to try to tell them apart. The love triangle isn’t that great and it no spark between the characters. You basicly The Situation and his DJ Pauly getting into a kung fu fight over Jai wow. If you don't get the refrence I just made, then you should feel a sense of pride.  There jerks each other to much that when they eventually hang out it seems false. Also it no real bad guy till the end. So it no real stakes.  You kind of don’t care who wins, no one lives will be change if they lose.  That said it’s a decent movie just for the fights scenes. C+

Bag of Bones

Bag of bones

Or

JAMES BOND AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOST

This is a story of a horror writer who pregnant wife dies getting hit by a bus. He goes to the Lake House him and his wife use to stay at to write. There he thinks his wife giving him a message, and want him to investigate something.  There he finds the town has chock full of secrets, and that his wife was investigating something about their families  There he gets threaten, run into wicked town folks and found his wife isn’t the only ghost haunting it.

Always had a problem with tons of Stephen King miniseries, is a lot of them really doesn’t need to be a miniseries. Its stretch out too much. Now for his bigger stories it makes sense, like the Stand which was pure awesome sauce. But this movie, it was a lot of time where nothing happen.  It was like I was watching a tour guide of Maine. And really let’s talk about the town; I know it’s a small town. But it seemed like the entire town made up of like 6 people. It makes Mayberry looks like a booming metropolis. I know that builds into the isolation. But it seemed empty.

Now this not to say this Town didn’t have scares. Some of the dream sequences and the flashback scenes were really scary. The ending scenes were very creepy and gave you a sense of dread.  Also they had the good excuse of why he doesn’t just leave the house. He kind of has to be there.  Also he pretty good in the roll. Although his brother American and I assume he is. He doesn’t even try an American accent.  I just made a back-story, am he pulling a Madonna and just spent a week in Europe but never lost the accent. Imagine his family turning into each other and saying “Why is he talking like Mary Poppinngs where all from Hoboken NJ for Christ sakes”.  But that easy to get past after a while.   You really root for for him. As a 2 hour TV movie it would have been perfect. It has a lot of weird Stephen King Tropes. Writers Isolated in a deserted area, weird townsfolk, rural areas, and bad cops.

In fact Stephen King made me afraid of writers. If any writer tells me they have writers Block I will Pepper Spray them and kick them in the balls...cause 9-10 he a derange Killer.  Other times he hunted by them. So you better take them out. If you’re a Stephen King fan your probably like it if you want to kill some time. It’s not his Best, but it’s not his worst either.